Ladies there are so many self-help books that teach you what TO do if you want to work through a rough spot in your marriage. When it comes to infidelity, communication can falter and trust can be lost forever. Anger, resentment, bitterness, continued lust after the other woman, poor communication, lack of respect, no self control, and even abuse are some examples of what can occur after you’ve discovered your spouse has cheated. Instead of focusing on what can be done to change your mate’s behavior or how you can get through this pain. Let’s focus on what NOT to do if you want to salvage your marriage after infidelity has occurred…
1. Don’t endlessly discuss the incident or affair. Keep the past in the past and move forward with a plan to either stay together or let it go.
2. Don’t nag him. Men will do as they please; nagging and arguing only drives them away. You cannot force anyone to talk to you, to go to counseling, to fix the marriage, or to even stick around to comfort your own personal fears. Free will is a choice. Respect and love are free gifts to give and to receive. Respect him enough to let him make his own decisions. Love him even when he doesn’t deserve it. Your blessing comes from choosing to do right in the eyes of God despite how you are treated. Let go of your pain and let God handle him. He will see your quiet demeanor as a humble way of handling a difficult situation. When your mate doesn’t feel pressured, he will come to you willingly. (See 1 Peter 3:1-6).
3. Don’t talk back. This is not to say that you won’t have your turn to speak or that you are a puppet and need to be controlled and told when to speak. This simply means give him a moment to come clean on his own. Allow him to realize his own mistake, to confess it to you, and to apologize and to correct it. Follow Proverbs 15: 1 where a soft answer turns away wrath. Bombarding him with questions he’s unsure how to answer will not yield the positive results you hope for. If you are the type who has to have the last word and must speak your mind, this task may be very difficult for you. But in due time, the benefits of just being silent for a moment will pay off. If you must talk to someone, talk to God.
4. Don’t be a pushover; be who God made you. If you are in a very difficult marriage where it borderlines abuse AND he is cheating, you may feel pressure or guilt as if you were the one who cheated. He may manipulate you and play mind games to have you think his whole affair was your fault. Realize who you are in Christ and stand firm on the promise that God will never leave you, nor forsake you. God did not bring you through other triumphs in life only to leave you with someone who abuses you mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Be strong in God when you feel weak in the natural form. It is okay to cry and it is okay if you don’t know how to fight back physically. This battle is not yours to fight. (See 2 Chronicles 20)