Spying on a Cheating Spouse: A Good Idea?

If you think that your wife or your husband is cheating on you, no doubt you want find out if it is true. This may lead you to take a step that you may have avoided and thought you would never take — you may decide to spy on your spouse. If s/he is cheating, catching him/her in the act leaves no doubt in anyone’s mind as to what is going on. If you are going to take the “spy on your spouse” route, you need to be aware of possible pitfalls.

Spying on anyone, including a suspected cheating spouse, is a time-consuming endeavor. Unless you’ve been through this with your partner more than once, you might not be able to discern a pattern. While you might assume your spouse is getting-busy with another person regularly, it may be far less frequent than you realize, making it difficult to detect. In such a case, it could take many months to achieve any sort of breakthrough.

People are often frustrated by anything that drags on for extended periods without success. The natural result of lack of success is a decline in diligence. The same day you decide to take a vacation from your spying may turn out to be the very day your spouse will engage in the nastiest, most illicit and disgusting sexual encounter you could imagine. If you are unable to withstand the schedule of trying to catch your spouse in the act, the alternative would be the expensive option of hiring a private investigator to handle the task.

As illustrated above, spying on a cheating spouse is necessarily a costly process. If the goal is a “fault divorce,” you will need documented proof for the divorce negotiations or proceedings. If you decide to do the spying on your own, you may face the costs of special cameras or surveillance devices. The time consuming nature of the activity may cause you to miss work or pass up other business opportunities. Even if you can conduct your operation with minimal financial cost, your relationships with your children or other family members may suffer from your obsession.

Of course, you could get caught spying on the cheating spouse. Initially, everyone believes they are crafty enough to do the spying without getting caught. Tailing your spouse at a distance, disguising yourself or using someone else’s vehicle may seem like a solution; however, most people have little experience doing these things successfully. Are you one of them? If you are determined to proceed have a good plan or likely story to tell if/when you are caught.

Beyond the embarrassment of getting caught, be aware of the possible physical dangers involved. You could inadvertently find yourself in the ghetto or in the presence of some unfamiliar and very unsavory individuals. If you know that your spouse has a tendency towards violence, catching him or her in the act could trigger a dangerous reaction. Also, do you know how the person with whom s/he is cheating will react? It is a good idea to have a close friend either to accompany you, or always know where you are going. Keep your cell phone with you and check in with your friend(s) regularly to let them know your status.

It is clear that, in almost every case, it is better to know than not to know whether or not you have a cheating partner. Knowing where things stand between you and your spouse will benefit you legally and emotionally. You can consider counseling, divorce, negotiate a separation arrangement, or invoke some prenuptial agreement clauses as appropriate. If you have evidence of a cheating husband or wife, you will be able to protect your health by scheduling HIV screenings or tests for other STDs.

No one wants to be in the dark when they suspect a cheating spouse. If you are not going to hire a private investigator, but you are going to try to do this on your own, be smart about it. Many lives have been ruined (even lost) by an amateur sleuth spying on someone who was far more dangerous than previously realized. Words of caution…


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