for the Week of 05/07/2012
“If my husband continues calling his [former] mistress, is it considered infidelity?”
This question was asked by one of our visitors. The response, offered by an author who writes about relationships, follows. This is not necessarily the position taken by the owner(s) of this site.
Answer: The simple moral answer is yes, it is still infidelity. When you were married, you and your husband both committed your lives to each other. You declared your love, you declared your trust, and you declared your devotion to one another.
Of course, over time the relationship will have many ups and downs, and one major down is for the husband to have an affair. This is devastating for the wife, but if the affair ceases and both partners decide to move on and still stay together, then they must build their relationship up again from scratch. Trust must be earned again, and both must be open with one another. This is a relationship of two.
If the marriage is to continue, the husband has to sever all communication with the mistress. If he continues to communicate with her, then how can trust be earned? What’s to stop him wandering off again? In fact, if he does continue to communicate with his ex-mistress with no intention of stopping, then it is clear that he does not want the marriage to continue, whatever excuse he may have.
He has committed his life to his wife, but if he intends to break this contract, then he must do it completely. He cannot have both sides. This is completely unfair, and proves that his thoughts are not on his marriage and his wife.
He may not be having sex with his mistress at this time, but the continual communication will keep that door open and he will almost certainly end up revisiting that scenario.
A marriage is more than a sexual coupling, it is a partnership, a deep friendship and of continual caring and devotion to one another. How can any of that exist if there is a third person in the marriage.
It is infidelity, and there is no excuse for it. He must choose between his wife and his mistress.
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