“I don’t” After the “I do’s”

You stood at the alter across from a perfect individual. They could do no wrong. You’ve thought of several flaws that they could have, and could only formulate one opinion…they were the best thing since sliced bread. Others may have seen the fatal flaws of your mate and attempted to warn you, but even if they were capable of providing any advice to you, your heart would have overlooked every mistake your future spouse would make. You would have ignored all advice and signs that they were not who they say they were. They perpetrated as if they had no flaws, as if they never made mistakes, as if they were on your side to provide or to help you in any way possible. Then, you both said, “I do,” and too many issues have occurred since then that have made you both say, “I don’t…”

Perhaps the person you married used to listen. They may have cared about your feelings and allowed you to speak your mind because they were genuinely interested in what you had to say. Somehow, somewhere in the midst of living your lives together, their true side came out. You discovered they weren’t as nice as they seemed in the beginning. Endless hours of phone conversations turned into less quality time, more telephone hang-ups, and purposefully missed phone calls.

You cannot blame yourself for the decisions of your mate.  For example, if they’ve chosen infidelity and to break their marriage vows, you cannot hold yourself completely accountable for this situation.  Problems occur that are beyond your control. There are times when you do have control over situations.  In those instances, stand firm by any decision you choose to make.  This may not only affect you, but could affect your children or other family members as it applies to your household.

How do you handle the phase of your relationship where you constantly say “I don’t want this anymore”, “I don’t want to be married”, or “I don’t think they were the one”?  Are you arguing more than you are actively listening to your mate?  Are you yelling more than you are talking calmly?  Are you nagging or complaining about insignificant things that are not really part of the issue?  Have you reached the phase where you regret standing before God and man to say, “I do.”  If any of these apply to you, then you could do one of two things: you can contact a divorce attorney or you could save your marriage?

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