Most betrayed spouses in a post-affair marriage question if their marriage after an affair is salvageable. The decision to try to repair a post affair marriage is almost always a difficult one. The prior history of you and your spouse, along with your values and willingness on the part of the two of you to work on reconciliation should be the basis of any such decision.
Typically, the wayward spouse‘s presence is quite uncomfortable in the household after an affair, prompting most couples to commence separation or divorce proceedings.
Most professionals recommend attempting to salvage the marriage after an affair if it is possible, rather than immediately proceeding towards divorce. Once you have seriously participated in efforts to save your marriage without success, you have a better understanding of what you need to do to rebuild your life.
Divorce is one of the most seriously life changing experiences for anyone. If you are going to remain in the marriage, you will need to work diligently at improving the romantic part of your marriage. This will likely require the objective counseling of a professional who will not take sides and try to vilify either your partner or you.
Your family and friends are always willing to give their viewpoints on the situation; however, their suggestions are colored by their own personal experiences, and, unlike a professional counselor, they make no attempts to be objective. Of course, you should listen politely to what they have to say. You need to recognize that some of this advice may be embedded with personal agendas or motives that may not be obvious; nevertheless, don’t dismiss good points out of hand just because they may not be completely unbiased.
The betrayed spouse will generally be the sole determiner as to whether or not a relationship will have any possibility of continuing after an affair. If you are the one making this decision, you will need to be able to live with the consequences. Several things should be considered in this decision-making process. To help in deliberating with how your marriage after an affair should proceed, consider the following:
* Is the affair completely over?
* Has there been sincere repentance by the wayward spouse?
* Is your spouse interested in or willing to get a divorce?
* Is your spouse committed to trying to salvage the marriage?
* Have you had an honest discussion of your marital troubles and the affair?
* Is the wayward spouse willing to provide you with any information you request?
* Is your spouse working hard on being more transparent?
* What specific changes would you like to see in your spouse?
* Is it possible for the two of you to fall in love again?
* Even if you could save your relationship, do you want to? Does your spouse?
By answering each of the above questions, you will be preparing yourself to address the issues that must be faced before ending your marital relationship.
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