If you are a strong-willed, independent woman relinquishing control to someone can be very difficult. It’s not something that you WANT to do, but it is something that you NEED to do if you are married or are planning to get married. Why? Two words: divine order. Ladies, our husbands were put in a position of power over us to provide, to protect, to preach to, and to pray for us. Allowing your spouse to be your “king” does not mean that he is controlling your every move, abusing his position of power, or making unreasonable demands. Submission is a choice. If you choose to submit to your spouse, choose a man who you can trust and respect.
Decisions should not be made without his input. Just as decisions he makes should not be made without your input. This is not “Honey, do I brush my teeth with Crest or Colgate this morning?” Decisions that affect the household, your spouse/mate, your career, or your children should be discussed and both parties should be discussed in totality, reach a compromise, and specify the terms and conditions of the agreement. In the end, what you are getting is respect for the other person’s opinions, thoughts, time, etc.
Let’s illustrate: your mother calls and advises you she needs you to watch your sister’s children because she’s unable to babysit for the evening. Your spouse, Daniel, is currently working a twelve hour shift and when he gets home, he’s not going to be in the mood to play with his own kids, let alone your sister’s children. You know he’ll be exhausted, hungry, and grouchy. Instead of advising your mother to let you discuss that with your husband, you go ahead and make a decision that affects your spouse without consulting him. How do you think he’ll react when he walks in seeing extra children in his home with whom he wasn’t prepared to spend time? Is he going to be extremely irritated or will he take this unexpected setback with stride?
In the above example, you love your mother, your sister, your sister’s children, your own children, and your spouse. That won’t be the issue when handling any negative issues that may result to this decision. This point illustrates an example of how a person disregards a decision that affects someone else. Just because you CAN do something because you are an adult, does not mean that you SHOULD do it. The better resolution could have been stated as, “Well, mom, let me consult with Daniel first and make sure he’s okay with the kids coming over. I’ll get back to you with an answer. If we can’t watch the kids, you and I can work on another arrangement for them.”
You are not going to be able to please everyone, so do not worry about trying to do the impossible. But what you can do, take every opportunity to do your best at it. Your job at this point, as wife or girlfriend or lover, is to make sure that the man with whom you are committed is respected and his input is appreciated. Do not worry about trying to change him if there are negative things you don’t like. Do not worry about his indiscretions. Concern yourself with changing your approach. If you’ve been disrespectful, verbally abusive, or neglectful, then take this as a learning opportunity to try another method to get his attention in order to get the happy life you deserve.
Spiritual Disclaimer: Men value respect, just as women value actions that show actions of love. Ladies, take the time to know your man and find ways that revere him. Remember in order to respect your man, you must learn how to respect God and the position in which He placed your spouse/mate over you. Find more information on respect, check out this two part series on The Alternative with Dr. Tony Evans entitled Respecting Your Man.