Question from Visitor:
Man looking at a woman's rear-endDuring the recent holiday season, my husband and I attended several holiday parties. During this period, I noticed him looking at several women’s butts. He was trying to be very discrete, but I saw him. I know my butt isn’t much to look at, but I’m his wife. I am very upset. What should I do?

Answer from Suzanne:
It is a fact that men will always find some women attractive, regardless of their marital status. However, the difference is in how they choose to deal with these feelings towards other women, other than their wives. For instance, single men usually flirt with women to find long-term or short-term companionship. Married men, on the other hand, are expected to stop flirting or lusting for other women. They also must do their best to keep their interactions with women in a friendly or casual manner – nothing more than that.

When single men are attracted to other women, they tend to dwell and act on these lustful feelings. Married men should let such feelings pass and practice self-control, which could help strengthen their relationship with their wives. In your situation, it appears your husband is finding some difficulty in avoiding and confronting these feelings of lust. You can help your husband understand what is happening and prevent further problems in your marriage by doing the following:

  • Make him feel desired and respected
  • Communicate your feelings in a way that will not offend or ridicule your husband
  • Discuss any issues that exist in your marriage. For instance, do you think you have been less intimate (physically and emotionally) in your relationship? If so, you could speak with a marriage counselor or psychologist, and you should try to discover possible reasons why your husband appears to be lusting for other women.

Keep in mind that communication is an important means of maintaining a healthy relationship. Try to find out what you and your husband want in your marriage, and seek ways to meet these goals by having a heart-to-heart talk with your partner. Moreover, do your best to feel good about yourself. Recall what your husband liked about you and work on improving yourself as you keep your relationship strong.


What do you think? Is this an issue many women face? Did Suzanne sufficiently address how to deal with the situation described by the visitor with the lusting husband? Your comments are welcome…

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3 responses to “My Woman-Ogling, Lusting Husband Makes Me Sick”

  1. silentforamoment Avatar

    This is an issue a lot of women face. Choices you have:

    -make yourself more attractive (keeping up your appearance, healthy living, and working out) so he has no reason to look at other women
    -communicate your concerns so he knows you’re uncomfortable or hurt by his actions (so this doesn’t lead to him possibly giving into a temptation later)
    -let it go (give your worries to God)

  2. Stephanie Avatar

    Suzanne – one thing you should always be aware of is men are visually-oriented. Looking at something desirable triggers the same processes in their brains as women get when they experience something emotional. It’s biological. As long as he isn’t staring to the point where everyone notices, cut him a little slack. It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. If it makes you uncomfortable say something like, “I realize you find other women attractive, but just try not to make it so obvious.”

    1. Jennifer Avatar

      Stephanie – I agree with what you’re saying. Trying to get a man not to look at other women is a futile thing. It’s their nature. But most men know how to keep it in check. My guy can be so sweet about it. Even if I don’t notice him looking, he’ll always say something like, “you’re the prettiest woman in the room.” Even if that isn’t true, I adore him for saying it.

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