Cheating may begin to tear your relationship apart, and abuse can end it. Cheating and abuse may intertwine, especially when your spouse/mate is trying to cover their tracks or justify their actions. When the violence gets worse, the cheating aspect somehow becomes irrelevant. I read an article from Live Science website ( on “Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships” by Rick Nauert, PhD, Senior News Editor which compares the types of men who abuse women. The article basically discusses what positive or negative effects may cause them to stay with their abusers, so that the help they need can be provided. We’ll distinguish these gentlemen as: KEEPER 1, 2, and 3. After all, a man who is reliable and a good catch, but controlling (KEEPER 1) or you are dating/married to a man who compliments you, gives gifts, and provides for you financially, but is somewhat controlling and has an violent outburst every once in a while (KEEPER 2), doesn’t necessarily mean that he is abusing you, right? You may even think your situation isn’t as bad as the woman who stays in a very violent relationship where the police and/or lawyers have to get involved (KEEPER 3).

Reasons for staying in an abusive relationship vary from inability to get out of their comfort zone to staying for the children’s sake of being raised in a two-parent home to fright. Another article by Dr. Nauert talks about the Slippery Slope For Abused Women and how they may gradually leave the relationship, but in due timing. It is in these times that the woman’s “support staff” be patient and allow her the opportunity to break away. I have family members who act first, think later. Hasty decisions aren’t always the best decisions, especially when children are involved. If you are in an abusive relationship, and your mate is cheating, using drugs, or has escalated his violence toward the children, begin to reevaluate your self esteem, learn to love yourself and your children much more than your abuser ever could, and make a plan to get out. Dr. Nauert’s article discusses phases of leaving a relationship emotionally and physically. Again, a rush job could backfire and your situation could be worse than before. The best advice to give may not come from an article, a self-help book, the bible, or an encouraging word from a family member, pastor, or friend. However, these are outlets to use to seek help.

My great-grandmother always stated a biblical passage that you should “never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” The scripture, Matthew 6:3, is actually referring to giving money to the poor or charity; however, in this instance, my great-grandmother would agree that when you make plans to emotionally, mentally, physically, and find a financial way to leave an abusive relationship to help yourself and/or your children (the “charity” in this case), while some may think of this as deceitful, in cases of any form of abuse, the best terminology to call this is “a game plan.”

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