My Woman-Ogling, Lusting Husband Makes Me Sick

Question from Visitor:
Man looking at a woman's rear-endDuring the recent holiday season, my husband and I attended several holiday parties. During this period, I noticed him looking at several women’s butts. He was trying to be very discrete, but I saw him. I know my butt isn’t much to look at, but I’m his wife. I am very upset. What should I do?

Answer from Suzanne:
It is a fact that men will always find some women attractive, regardless of their marital status. However, the difference is in how they choose to deal with these feelings towards other women, other than their wives. For instance, single men usually flirt with women to find long-term or short-term companionship. Married men, on the other hand, are expected to stop flirting or lusting for other women. They also must do their best to keep their interactions with women in a friendly or casual manner – nothing more than that.

When single men are attracted to other women, they tend to dwell and act on these lustful feelings. Married men should let such feelings pass and practice self-control, which could help strengthen their relationship with their wives. In your situation, it appears your husband is finding some difficulty in avoiding and confronting these feelings of lust. You can help your husband understand what is happening and prevent further problems in your marriage by doing the following:

  • Make him feel desired and respected
  • Communicate your feelings in a way that will not offend or ridicule your husband
  • Discuss any issues that exist in your marriage. For instance, do you think you have been less intimate (physically and emotionally) in your relationship? If so, you could speak with a marriage counselor or psychologist, and you should try to discover possible reasons why your husband appears to be lusting for other women.

Keep in mind that communication is an important means of maintaining a healthy relationship. Try to find out what you and your husband want in your marriage, and seek ways to meet these goals by having a heart-to-heart talk with your partner. Moreover, do your best to feel good about yourself. Recall what your husband liked about you and work on improving yourself as you keep your relationship strong.

 

What do you think? Is this an issue many women face? Did Suzanne sufficiently address how to deal with the situation described by the visitor with the lusting husband? Your comments are welcome…

The Enemy of the State of Your Mind

The spring of 2009 was surreal.  In the midst of a high risk pregnancy and a less-than blissful honeymoon of a marriage, I was at war.  I was at war with family, friends, and enemies.  I deemed my husband, his mistress, and anyone who knew about his affair as the enemy.  I prayed even though I didn’t believe in what I prayed.  I asked God for a change not believing change could come. It took a while to realize that my husband and his mistress were not my enemy, but that Satan himself had used the two of them to tear me apart.  Perhaps he got a look into my future or the future of one of my children.  Perhaps he knew I was more than a conqueror.  Perhaps he knew that once I committed my life to something, nothing else would shake my faith.

I’ve grown spiritually and mentally. In the Spring of 1999, I pledged a Christian sorority, but lost my faith somewhere in the process.  Ten years later, in the spring of 2009 “all that I learned about life” I learned through prayer.  Several nights as my husband lay in our bed texting his mistress, I would fall asleep praying on the floor of my walk-in closet.

I wish I could emulate the best Christians I see on Facebook … or even the ones who come once in a blue moon at church… or the ones who’re there until the sanctuary lights go out.  I am slower than most and some may even say that I lack common sense.  I tend to think of myself as one who is well educated, but not street smart at all.  Somehow in the midst of my dysfunctional depression, I found one function to work regardless of my educational background – prayer.   If ever I could write a tale about that summer, I’d call it “Objects in the mirror are stronger than they appear.”  I learned how to pray for my friends, outside family, pastors, the less fortunate, my immediate household, my enemies…Each morning, afternoon, and sometimes at night I would read my warfare scripture, Psalm 35.

I’ve been mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically abused.  Regardless of those who debate the very existence of God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit, I know that there was a divine presence carrying me that spring and shaped me to become the woman I am now.  I made mistakes that I deeply regret.  I’m probably a walking joke to my enemies, but to God I became a head instead of a tail.  The battle truly was not mine; the battleground was in my mind, but I did not need to fight.  I only needed to stand still and see the salvation of God (2 Chronicles 20:15-17).