Not Everything is a Good Thing…part 2

It’s the final seconds of the game.  Bases are loaded and Derek Jeter is up to bat.  You are hoping for a grand slam.  You’re on the edge of your seat, fingers crossed and screaming at the top of your lungs to bring it home. Or perhaps there’s the snap of the ball to the quarterback and he sees Roy Williams deep in the end zone to bring the Cowboys to victory.  Maybe the point guard is in the paint about to “take it to the hole” to draw a foul and keep the game alive.  When history is about to be made, when your team is about to beat a rival, when you’re in the middle of that “oh man, did you see that” moment, you hear the click of the remote and these famous words, “We need to talk.”  Is this a good thing…right now?

 Gentleman, you are not alone.  There is a man going through this exact same scenario as you read this.  You may ask yourself, “Why does she do this?”  Short answer: she’s angry and wants to be heard—NOW.  Long answer: she needs security to know that you can protect her in all areas of her life, and she also needs closure to discussions, so that she can move on to the next level of her life in peace.  If you’ve heard that same topic, fought about that adulterous affair numerous times, and are sick and tired of hearing the same words, perhaps it is because she never received the closure she needed from you that provided her complete emotional and mental security in your relationship.  This is not to say that all women have to have closure in order to move on because not everyone thinks alike, but it does explain why you keep hearing the same topics over and over and over and over…

How do you make the “nagging” stop?  You take the high road.  You concede defeat.  Don’t worry about winning or losing an argument, or being right about past or present events.  For one moment, lose pride to see the bigger picture.  You will not be a “wimp” by listening to her or giving in to her… just for that moment.  You actually maintain the control of your household without stress and you win in the end.

Here are examples of how you can handle these situations:

  • Argumentative wives and girlfriends can be defeated with one simple sentence, “You are absolutely right, and I never thought of it like that.”
  • Insecure wives and girlfriends can be defeated with, “I didn’t mean to make you feel like an option because you are a priority in my life.”
  • Bullying or violent girlfriends can even be dealt with by simply advising her that God has designed for her a stronger-willed man who doesn’t mind being weaker physically, but that you are too much man for her to handle right now.

The goal is not to win or lose a fight or argument or heated discussion, or to appear shame-faced in the end.  It is simply to come to a resolution to agree to disagree.  When your heart is clear and free from drama, stress, anxiety, arguments, infidelity, painful thoughts, and worries about trusting your mate, it is easier to make better decisions.  Despite the good or bad in a relationship, you may still have to face life.  Children have to be clothed and fed.  Bills have to get paid.   Life has to go on.  It takes more energy to fight and to be angry, but you can lose the stress and gain the most precious gift of all—peace of mind.


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