Not Everything is a Good Thing…part 1

There’s nothing more frustrating in a marriage or relationship than when you are competing for attention from your significant other with outside forces.  Ladies, are you competing for his love and affection with that of another woman?  Perhaps his mother or his mistress seems to have a significant hold on him that you cannot break loose.  For a moment, gentleman, we will side with your wife or significant other.   (Next time, to be fair, we deal with you may go through with the ladies.)

Being a wife is a hard job to make sure that husband is mentally and physically healthy enough to provide for her and her children.  It becomes a tougher assignment when outsiders try to take over.  Besides being a mother, a wife is the most precious title that God has bestowed upon women.  It is a challenge to manage outside forces such as household chores, bills, work, school, in-laws, and outlaws.  When your wife complains about the unfair treatment of having to compete for your attention, do you hurt her further by saying things like, “so what” or “it’s no big deal”?  Unfortunately, for your family, it is a very big deal.  How can you bond with your wife or the woman you intend to spend the rest of your life with, if you don’t give her the one thing that all women need: security.  You may think that putting your mom or mistress before your wife is no big deal because your intent is to never leave the wife, no matter what your mom or your mistress may do for you or how they feel about you.  But you are sending your wife a message that says, “I’m here physically, but I’m not here mentally or emotionally for you when you need me the most.  If mom calls, I have to run to her rescue first, and then I’ll get back to you.  If my mistress needs me, you will not interfere with the plans we have.”  You are telling her that she is not number one in your life. 

Genesis 2:24—Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

If you are a Christian man, your belief may be that God is first and then your wife is second.  If other people come before wife, and you continue to put her last in any decision you make, what message of security are you providing to her?  How does she know that when bills are due, that you won’t take the last little bit of money you all have in your account, and give it to your mom or mistress or other family members?  How does she know that when she confides personal household information to you, that you are not telling your mom or mistress, so that they can use this information against her to devise a plan to end your marriage?  How can she trust you, if you are showing her that the ones competing for your heart mean more to you than she does?  What is the point in having you as man of the house, head of household, her King, if, when she needs you, you are not there for her.  However, if your mom or your mistress needs you, then you do whatever you can even if it will break your wife’s heart. 

How can you become ONE when you have MANY grabbing for your heart?  What is the point of being a husband if she cannot lean on you when she needs you as her knight in shining armor?  No woman awakes each morning, and says, “I think today, I want to be hurt, hit, or in an unhealthy relationship with the man I married.”


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