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Coping With Jealousy and Jealous Spouses

Coping with jealousy requires a good understanding of how jealousy affects modern monogamous relationships. Jealousy is a secondary emotion that derives from the negative thoughts and feelings of fear, insecurity and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that a person values, particularly that of a human connection. It’s a very familiar experience in human relationships, especially in marriages.

Jealousy becomes unacceptable when it gets out of control and begins to consume the relationship. Jealousy affects women and men in somewhat different ways. Usually a wife understands that her husband may occasionally flirt with other women or stare at good-looking young women. Some of this is normal until it reaches the point of making the other partner uncomfortable. That’s when this unhealthy practice needs to be addressed and resolved.

A jealous spouse may get unreasonably angry if her husband even so much as glances at another member of the opposite sex, not to mention admiring another woman. She may also get mad if her half spends more time with his friends, parents, siblings, or basically anybody other than her. This can get to the point of that husband living in fear, having to hide or lie. Every mistake can cost him dearly. Other consequences of jealousy in marriage are: resentment, anger, defensiveness, the need for continual reassurance, depression, constant questioning, an increasing desire for revenge. Ultimately this typically leads to the end of that relationship.

Jealousy can be overcome, but seldom with great effort. Like many other difficult emotional experiences, jealousy can be a trigger for growth if treated correctly, becoming the first step towards increasing self-awareness and greater understanding of both the relationship and also your mate. How can jealousy be overcome? Here are a few tips:

  • first, admit your jealous behavior and accept that it is hurting your marriage
  • discuss this “obsession” with your spouse
  • stop spying on him – try to just trust him more
  • make a decision to change your behavior or seek counseling
  • realize that you can’t control someone else
  • set fair rules together with your husband that you can both live with
  • ultimately seek professional help as a couple

Also it’s very important for a loving husband to try to work through the problem and being more serious about the relationship. For example, if she accuses you of admiring, flirting or just checking out with someone and it’ s totally uncalled for, try not to argue with her and get into a heated debate about it. This will only worsen an already tense situation. Instead, be calm and rationally explain that you weren’t doing anything of the sort and neither are you tempted to do so. And even if you were, reassure her that it was harmless and make her understand that after all it’s in human nature to appreciate somebody good looking and convince her that nothing is going to come out of it.

Maybe she shows strong signs of possessiveness and demands from you to cease all contact with your friends or family. Explain to her that it’s unhealthy to spend all your time together and urge her to spend more time with her own circle of friends. Don’t forget to remind she’s the most important person in the world for you.


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