The spring of 2009 was surreal. In the midst of a high risk pregnancy and a less-than blissful honeymoon of a marriage, I was at war. I was at war with family, friends, and enemies. I deemed my husband, his mistress, and anyone who knew about his affair as the enemy. I prayed even though I didn’t believe in what I prayed. I asked God for a change not believing change could come. It took a while to realize that my husband and his mistress were not my enemy, but that Satan himself had used the two of them to tear me apart. Perhaps he got a look into my future or the future of one of my children. Perhaps he knew I was more than a conqueror. Perhaps he knew that once I committed my life to something, nothing else would shake my faith.
I’ve grown spiritually and mentally. In the Spring of 1999, I pledged a Christian sorority, but lost my faith somewhere in the process. Ten years later, in the spring of 2009 “all that I learned about life” I learned through prayer. Several nights as my husband lay in our bed texting his mistress, I would fall asleep praying on the floor of my walk-in closet.
I wish I could emulate the best Christians I see on Facebook … or even the ones who come once in a blue moon at church… or the ones who’re there until the sanctuary lights go out. I am slower than most and some may even say that I lack common sense. I tend to think of myself as one who is well educated, but not street smart at all. Somehow in the midst of my dysfunctional depression, I found one function to work regardless of my educational background – prayer. If ever I could write a tale about that summer, I’d call it “Objects in the mirror are stronger than they appear.” I learned how to pray for my friends, outside family, pastors, the less fortunate, my immediate household, my enemies…Each morning, afternoon, and sometimes at night I would read my warfare scripture, Psalm 35.
I’ve been mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically abused. Regardless of those who debate the very existence of God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit, I know that there was a divine presence carrying me that spring and shaped me to become the woman I am now. I made mistakes that I deeply regret. I’m probably a walking joke to my enemies, but to God I became a head instead of a tail. The battle truly was not mine; the battleground was in my mind, but I did not need to fight. I only needed to stand still and see the salvation of God (2 Chronicles 20:15-17).
…does not come easy when you’re in a toxic relationship. As a matter of fact, when it becomes unbearable and uncontrollable some times you have to let things go. The best thing to do at that point is to give the issues of a bad relationship to God. One of two things will happen: 1. He will make a way of escape out of that relationship 2. He will make you stronger while you’re in the midst of that relationship whether you leave or stay.
Instead of making a long story long, I’ll keep it brief. In my situation, I had a bad marriage. Terrible. To the point, I myself had given up on the marriage, but hung in there hoping for a change. To change the situation, I had to do something I had never done before. I had to let God handle what I couldn’t handle. I had to stop playing God and trying to fix my man. I had to pray more and talk less. I did my usual prayer for family, friends, and enemies. Then I shifted and decided to pray for my spouse, and to pray in advance for the man I NEEDED him to become. So I prayed that this cheating, weed-smoking, always-lying man would beat me down a church aisle asking how he can get saved.
As a result, my husband has put down the weed and picked up a bible. Instead of calling other women, he’s eager to call me. Instead of yelling at me about touching his cell phone, he hands it to me in case I want to use it. Instead of being a Jerk in aluminum foil, I found my Knight in shining armor.
Individual results will vary, but to answer the question as to whether prayer works or is God real, from my point of view and the angels in Heaven backing this message: YES.
As always, if no one else loves you remember God loves you and so do I. Be silentforamoment and listenforever…
- Own up to your mistakes.
- Own up to the bad choices that you’ve made.
- Own up to the selfish need to be right.
- Own up to the fear of being alone.
- Own up to the fear of rejection.
- Own up to the fact that you love him, but he doesn’t love you.
- Own up to the misconception that you can change him.
- Own up to the fact you chose a mate over your child(ren).
- Own up to the fact that you put God last to do your own will.
- Own up to the fact that you blame everyone else, but yourself.
Owning up to any hard truth about yourself is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Understand the difference between right and wrong. Common sense isn’t common because if it were everyone would have it. Know your limits. Know your own boundaries. Know what is wrong choice and what is the right choice to make for yourself, your children, for your family, and even for your closest friends. Own up to the mistakes you’ve made and learn to forgive yourself for those mistakes. Move forward. Don’t look back at what has already passed. Look forward to a brighter future, and own your present situations. Stand firm in God that He has given you a spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind to make the right choices for your life and those affected by your life.